I have to remind myself who I am in Christ on a regular basis. Starting at the age of 11 and throughout my young adulthood I have had a myriad of negative sexual experiences. This unfortunately led me to an abusive marriage.
In High School I struggled with identity. I was quiet and did not interact with people. I stayed busy with the church youth group and hid in my bedroom drowning out everything with Christian music. An inner battle raged between what church said and what I experienced and saw in the church people. Discipline came in the form guilt from my father and disappointment. I had the appearance of a relationship with God but nothing was further from the truth. Irrelevant, useless and failure were my names.
My experience with men followed that of the one I had at 11, abusive. I turned to alcohol and stopped going to church. I was constantly reminded at home how shameful a life I had. I sold my body for liquor and rent then tried to kill myself. Now I knew myself as shameful, disposable and prostitute.
During my first pregnancy I met my husband. My dreams crashed when he left less than a year later, and over 10 more times throughout our 12 year marriage. Verbal, mental and sexual abuse was a part of life until our divorce. I knew myself as slave, replaceable and unloved. By now I was submerged in many sexual sins including pornography. I had no self worth. Yet God still wanted me.
No one told me who I could be, until one day a lady spoke Gods word to me. Not personal advice, not what others had tried but the straight sugar free truth. I am Priceless, worth more than all the silver in the world. The spotless bride that the King of Kings wants to have an eternal relationship with!
Even in the middle of all my sin, I was still Gods treasure. His eyes were still hungry for me even when I ran from Him. When I did not know Him, He sought after me. When I felt irrelevant, God had a purpose for me. When I felt disposable, God saw me as irreplaceable. When I felt unloved He loved me unconditionally. When I finally let Him love me I stopped being a slave and gained freedom.
Written by: Debra Abshier
Monday’s Encouragement
These insights are so beautiful to me, and hit a chord deep inside. We do collect “names” throughout our lives that define us at a gut level. But when we get into the Word, and realize how God sees us IN CHRIST, those “names” begin to slough away from us and we realize that lovely, cherished, precious are the “names” that truly fit. Thanks for this transparent insight, which really is the story of all of us.
Great devotional Mary! We all need to remind ourselves that through Jesus no one is worthless. We are redeemed! Thanks!